QUOTE END QUOTE

DO let quotes inspire you.

DON'T think it will change your life. 

"Women might be able to fake orgasms-but men can fake whole relationships"-Sharon Stone

"If you chase it, it will run"-Anonymous

"A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you"-Francoise Sagan

"I have found you need someone to love while you are looking for someone to love"-Shelagh Delaney

"Not every meaningful relationship has to last forever to be meaningful"-Unknown

"The only thing harder than being alone is being with the wrong person"-Unknown

"The trouble with relationships: people change and forget to tell each other"-Monica Piper

"A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows"-Monica Piper

"I rely on my personality for birth control"-Liz Winston

"Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge."-Ronny Shakes

"Girlfriends don't let girlfriends drink and take ugly men home"-Unknown

"If God wanted women to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor"-Joan Rivers

"Love is the answer, and while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions"-Woody Allen.

"Sex-the things that takes up the least amount of time and casues the most amount of trouble"-John Barrymore

"Is sex dirty? Only when its done right"-Woody Allen

"A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime-that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones"-Cher

"No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along"-Joyce Brothers

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop"-Unknown

"Alcohol may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question"-Henry Mon

"Well behaved women rarely make history"-Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

"I drink to make other people more interesting"-George Jean Nathan

"Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a passionate woman inside it"-Unknown

"Don't spend your life as a pretty bitch...God will send you back nice and ugly"-Fritz

"A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally"-Lillian Day

"You can cry, but don't let it stop you. Don't cry in one spot-cry as you continue to move"-Kina

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun"-Katharine Hepburn

SEX FILES

DO be happy that your roommate is getting some.

DON'T listen to her getting some.

So I wake up a little early this morning to prepare for the arrival of my darling 70 year old handicapped father, who was to be dropping off some housewarming presents for us to enjoy. He came in, hung out, and talked for a bit. In this conversation he asked if my roommates were working. One is at work while one was in bed, and not alone. :o) 


After about 15 minutes or so, my father leaves. I decided to hop on the couch, turn on the TV, and finish playing some Words with Friends. This stupid game is sickeningly addictive. Damn you WwF! This game, however, was not enough to hold my attention for as long as I had hoped. In the middle of me desperately trying to win 3 games with only 2 letters left, I faintly hear noises that most people make in the morning. These noises stem from just waking up, yawning, and not wanting to get out of bed. 


Boy, was I wrong. These noises got louder, deeper, and more obvious. As I idiotically listened, only to prove to myself of what I thought was happening, did it occur to me that someone was getting some. And by some, I mean a lot. I find out later that my roommate didn't know I was home nor did she hear the entire conversation/meeting with my father in the living room prior to the incident. 


As the breathing and the "ohs, uhns, oooohs" get louder and more persistent, I felt it would be best, appropriate, and respectful to step outside for a little bit until the morning session had ceded. Sure enough, I come back inside for what it seemed to be...THE FINALE. Great timing on my part. Even if they did hear the alarm system chirp as I opened and closed the door, it didn't stop them! 


I was waiting very patiently for one or both of them to do the walk of shame/fame/O face down the stairs to grab a drink from the kitchen. I guess they were hydrated enough because they did not surface. Sneaky Pete of me..."i'll just send her a sweet text message to break the ice" I thought. So my text message read: "Damn [insert incriminating name here]...ur almost as loud as me....at least i say FUCK gasping for breath every now and then!! :o)."


Rightfully so, all I hear is the cute sound of a girlish chuckle. Before she had a chance to respond, I immediately sent another text message: "The trick is...to put some music on." 


Funny thing is....I'm not mad that my ears had to witness this! I honestly think its hilarious! Only because this morning proved to me how confident in bed I am with the love of my life. ;o)